Why won’t my 3 week old sleep in the cot?

Well, the cot is a long way from being anything like the lovely place she had prior to the last 3 weeks.

Well, compared to the wonderfully safe and warm place she was curled up in three weeks ago, the cot is a cold and scary thing. She was tightly contained in the womb, and now she's expected to sleep flat on her back, in a cot without your warmth, movement and comforting sounds.

So, I think the question is, "How do I help my baby adjust to sleeping out of the womb?" The answer is...

Little by little

Offer small and supported experiences in the cot to start. Try lying your baby in her cot with your hands over her and with very gentle rocking. Some quiet white noise in the background might help as well.

Don’t expect your baby to be skilled at sleeping in a cot straight away. Most likely, she will only go down in the cot when she's fast asleep.  You can then progress to putting her down when drowsy, and eventually you'll be able to put her into the cot while still awake.

It will all take time, so be realistic because this is something new for her. So offer opportunities to settle in the cot, but be ready for them not to work. If she becomes distressed, pick your baby up for a cuddle, calm her and try again. Only try two or three times at first, and do each sleep for several days to you give your baby time to adjust to the new experience.

Don't let them cry it out

If someone tells you to let them cry so they learn, just remember your baby has a very limited ability to soothe and calm down alone, so leaving het to cry may well end in quiet, and even sleep, buy not because your baby has adjusted and learned how. Rather, if your baby sleeps after 'crying it out', it's because she has fallen asleep exhausted.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Why does my baby only sleep in my arms?

Calm babies are more likely to find sleep, so it makes sense that when your baby is close to you and feeling safe, they drift off to sleep.

Your baby is instinctively driven to stay close to you for safety and security - it’s a survival instinct. In fact, separation from their caregiver can be very overwhelming for babies. That’s why we try to do it little by little.

How to get them sleeping in their cot

To help your baby learn to sleep in their own space, you can start by cuddling them off to sleep and then moving them to their cot when they're fast asleep.

When they wake, rather than immediately picking them up, try:

• some gentle body rocking or patting while they are in their cot
• talk or sing to them to let them know you are there.

If they cannot settle, it is absolutely fine to pick your baby up, cuddle them and calm them, then pop them back into their cot. Just do it little by little so the cot becomes something familiar and not something to fear.

As your baby grows, so does the capacity to tolerate separation from you, so don’t expect that every baby will know how to sleep in their cot immediately without help.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

My baby won’t sleep. What am I doing wrong?

Firstly, most parents are doing the right thing, but for some reason their baby isn’t able to respond. So let’s think more about why your baby can’t respond to your attempts to settle them, rather than what you're doing wrong.

Babies become overwhelmed quite quickly. If there is a lot going on in their environment or other people have been around for a while, your baby may just need a cuddle and timeout to help them reboot.

If your baby has been interacting with the world and is now unable to calm down, they may be overstimulated and unable to settle. This often goes hand in hand with being overtired. Look out for tired signs.

Cuddles, skin contact, gentle rocking patterns and your own soothing voice are likely to help a baby who won't sleep. Sometimes a little feed, not for food but for the comfort of sucking can help. Sucking is soothing, so that is why dummies are called ‘soothers’ and 'pacifiers’. It is not the dummy, rather the sucking action that helps the baby soothe herself.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Is it ok to let babies cry?

"I am told babies cry a lot during the first few months, and that it's okay to just let them cry."

The actual reason babies cry is not always known, but it is a form of communication and by responding to the communication of the baby, we teach them that we are both there for them, and together things can be manageable.

More on why babies cry and what to do.

The research

There has been considerable work done on the somatic memory, by S. Porges. In essence, his work reveals that the nervous system has a type of memory, and that when a particular set of experiences occur, the nervous system is aroused. As these events happen more often, the nervous systems rapidly jumps into action because it knows what to do.

Therefore, when a baby cries, they're also learning how to behave and what to expect in response. If their cries are met with care and reassurance, they learn to associate distress with calmness.

In brief, if you comfort your baby when they cry, you calm their nervous system and they learn to settle. So next time, when there are events that would have previously caused great distress, you're baby might not cry. 

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Should I let my baby cry to sleep?

"Some say I should just let my baby cry to sleep because it’s good for him and helps him learn to sleep. They say all this cuddling and doing everything for him will not help him learn."

You would be so surprised at the number of people who say that.

What the research says

The research is very clear. A baby who has their physical and emotional needs met will learn self regulation over time. If you look at your baby and see they are struggling, the best thing you can do is reassure them that you're there to help. 

You can start with a comforting word to let them know you're near by. If that doesn’t calm them, then you offer more, maybe some gentle patting. And if more is needed, a cuddle or a feed... Whatever it takes to help calm them.

You won't spoil them

This approach is definitely not spoiling your baby. This is called 'synchronous care', and we know it's what helps babies develop a sense of the world as a safe place. This is best gift you can give your little baby. Once they feel safe and confident, they won’t need to stress every time they have a bubble of wind. And you will start to get more sleep overnight. 

Be kind to your baby, and kind to yourself. Do what feels right for you both.

Why won’t my baby sleep through the night like others?

The range of ‘normal’ baby sleep is enormous. Anywhere from 20 minutes to 5 hours is perfectly normal for a baby at any given time.

Babies are not born with the ability to regulate their body - not even their own temperature - so it's unlikely they can wake after 20 minutes and decide those hunger pains or that bubble of wind is something that can wait.

Some babies sleep for hours overnight, but it really doesn’t start to happen reliably until the hormones that influence day and night sleep start to kick in and regulate their sleep. This happens around 5 months when you will see a baby maybe have a 5 hour sleep overnight on a relatively predictable basis.

News flash

5-6 hours sleep is actually the definition of sleeping through the night in much of the research. Not sure about you, but I'd like it to be a little longer! 

Also when someone says their baby sleeps through the night, before you cringe and start asking yourself what you're doing wrong, ask yourself, “Do they feed overnight?" You may be well surprised that the answer is YES and even a few times, but some parents don’t count that as waking.

So keep in mind, you're most likely doing everything right and so is your baby, as you grow together.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Why does my toddler protest SO much at bed time?

The reasons are many and varied, but the bottom line is:

1. they don't want to miss the fun
2. they don't want to be apart from you.

So we need to help them by thinking about the motivation for their behaviour rather than the behaviour itself.

Toddlers need love, guidance and someone who tries to understand them.

Actually we all need that, but often when we are tired we express it in different ways. Our job as parents is to be kind but committed at bed time.

Some tips include:

• Give your child advanced notice that it's bed time in 5 minutes
• Make sure they have some quiet time before bed
• No time on the computer, tv, ipad (any screen) for at least 30 minutes before sleep time
• Try to keep your cool. If you get grumpy how do you expect your toddler to respond?

Get more tips on reading tired signs and avoiding overtiredness. 

It can be tough so be sure you speak with your nurse or another trusted source to help you stay focused on enjoying your family. 

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.