Why won’t my 3 week old sleep in the cot?

Well, the cot is a long way from being anything like the lovely place she had prior to the last 3 weeks.

Well, compared to the wonderfully safe and warm place she was curled up in three weeks ago, the cot is a cold and scary thing. She was tightly contained in the womb, and now she's expected to sleep flat on her back, in a cot without your warmth, movement and comforting sounds.

So, I think the question is, "How do I help my baby adjust to sleeping out of the womb?" The answer is...

Little by little

Offer small and supported experiences in the cot to start. Try lying your baby in her cot with your hands over her and with very gentle rocking. Some quiet white noise in the background might help as well.

Don’t expect your baby to be skilled at sleeping in a cot straight away. Most likely, she will only go down in the cot when she's fast asleep.  You can then progress to putting her down when drowsy, and eventually you'll be able to put her into the cot while still awake.

It will all take time, so be realistic because this is something new for her. So offer opportunities to settle in the cot, but be ready for them not to work. If she becomes distressed, pick your baby up for a cuddle, calm her and try again. Only try two or three times at first, and do each sleep for several days to you give your baby time to adjust to the new experience.

Don't let them cry it out

If someone tells you to let them cry so they learn, just remember your baby has a very limited ability to soothe and calm down alone, so leaving het to cry may well end in quiet, and even sleep, buy not because your baby has adjusted and learned how. Rather, if your baby sleeps after 'crying it out', it's because she has fallen asleep exhausted.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

What if I don't have a 'gut instinct'?

Not everyone becomes a loving, intuitive parent the moment their baby is born. This is especially true if the pregnancy or delivery (or both!) were really difficult. If your body has struggled and you are suffering, emotionally or physically, it's completely understandable that you may not instantly bond with your baby. Give yourself time with your baby, so you get to know each other.

Others often think they are helping by taking the baby so you can rest. But it can be better if they help by doing the dishes and give you some quiet time alone with your baby - not time spent feeding, bathing or settling, but just being together.

Moments like this can be very powerful in switching on that connection between mother and child, which may have been lost somewhere in all the ‘pushing’ or post-delivery repair.

Parents should give themselves quiet time with their baby, even if it means having a ‘visit time’ or even asking friends and family to give you a few days to get to know each other before the influx of visitors.

When someone tells you to do something with your baby and you think ‘that can’t be right’, trust yourself because you know your baby best. Your gut instincts are definitely there.

However if you feel like you're not connecting with your baby, don’t be hard on yourself. Maybe think about chatting to someone who can help you work your way through it, so you remain kind to yourself as your feelings develop.

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Why does my baby only sleep in my arms?

Calm babies are more likely to find sleep, so it makes sense that when your baby is close to you and feeling safe, they drift off to sleep.

Your baby is instinctively driven to stay close to you for safety and security - it’s a survival instinct. In fact, separation from their caregiver can be very overwhelming for babies. That’s why we try to do it little by little.

How to get them sleeping in their cot

To help your baby learn to sleep in their own space, you can start by cuddling them off to sleep and then moving them to their cot when they're fast asleep.

When they wake, rather than immediately picking them up, try:

• some gentle body rocking or patting while they are in their cot
• talk or sing to them to let them know you are there.

If they cannot settle, it is absolutely fine to pick your baby up, cuddle them and calm them, then pop them back into their cot. Just do it little by little so the cot becomes something familiar and not something to fear.

As your baby grows, so does the capacity to tolerate separation from you, so don’t expect that every baby will know how to sleep in their cot immediately without help.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Why won’t my baby sleep through the night like others?

The range of ‘normal’ baby sleep is enormous. Anywhere from 20 minutes to 5 hours is perfectly normal for a baby at any given time.

Babies are not born with the ability to regulate their body - not even their own temperature - so it's unlikely they can wake after 20 minutes and decide those hunger pains or that bubble of wind is something that can wait.

Some babies sleep for hours overnight, but it really doesn’t start to happen reliably until the hormones that influence day and night sleep start to kick in and regulate their sleep. This happens around 5 months when you will see a baby maybe have a 5 hour sleep overnight on a relatively predictable basis.

News flash

5-6 hours sleep is actually the definition of sleeping through the night in much of the research. Not sure about you, but I'd like it to be a little longer! 

Also when someone says their baby sleeps through the night, before you cringe and start asking yourself what you're doing wrong, ask yourself, “Do they feed overnight?" You may be well surprised that the answer is YES and even a few times, but some parents don’t count that as waking.

So keep in mind, you're most likely doing everything right and so is your baby, as you grow together.

Get more baby sleep tips, including step-by-step guides for settling your baby and getting them off to sleep in Helen's book.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

How do I know if my baby is getting enough milk?

Generally you can feel quite confident that your baby is getting adequate milk if they have about 6 'heavy' wet nappies or more in 24 hours. Poos are also a good indication in some babies.

A baby simply can't have lots of wet and dirty nappies if there isn't plenty of milk going in!

My baby wakes up a lot. Are they hungry?

Sometimes little babies can be difficult to read. If you can see and hear the suck/swallow action and you seem to have plenty milk, then it's highly likely your baby is getting good volumes and maybe the frequent waking is not always for food.

Occasionally babies have tummy discomfort that wakes them but they look like they are hungry, so we feed them again, but really we are adding to the discomfort. Sometimes babies just need a cuddle if they have plenty of wet nappies and seem to be feeding well but are waking every 20 minutes or each hour. 

Chat with us if you'd like to know more about your baby's feeding.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

Why does my baby feed so often?

Your baby's stomach is tiny. It's about the size of their fist, and only holds small amounts to start with, so feeding frequently is necessary for your baby to gain and maintain adequate nutrition for healthy growth.

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

When is the right time to start a routine?

Babies develop patterns quite naturally as they grow, but their internal regulation system is not fully developed, so regular patterns are impossible for them early in life. This makes a routine very difficult for a baby, and can cause a lot of stress for parents and babies alike.

Sometimes babies may have regular and predictable feeding and sleeping patterns for the first few weeks of life, but that naturally changes as they grow and irregular patterns develop. This can be a rude shock at a time when you're feeling like you have a handle on the situation.

In terms of development of self regulation, babies are really very immature at birth, and it's completely natural for them to have irregular feeding, waking and sleep patterns.

Please don't rush your baby into a strict pattern because it will be awfully stressful for you and baby. If you expect the first 3 months to be filled with changes and a lack of predictability, then there will be no surprises or disappointments.

Don't push your baby into something that isn't natural, especially in the first 3 months. 

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.