Why do I feel so helpless when my baby cries?

There are few things on this earth like a baby’s cry. It triggers an intense need to act, to do something.

When our own baby cries, we feel we should be able to help. But what if the baby keeps crying? We initially feel helpless and often frustrated, and sometimes we can become overwhelmed by the crying and our inability to help our baby.

As caregivers, we are connected to our baby’s feelings and often it's hard to separate them out, but your baby needs you to help them calm down.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, ask someone to help. If you have no one around, get the pram out and go for a walk. Take long slow breaths because your baby needs you to calm down first. 

Babies do not mean to make life hard, so don’t plead with them to stop crying. Rather, have a think about a time when you were distressed - now remove your sense of reason and that's what a baby is feeling - overwhelmed and unable to calm down.

Babies need someone to hold them. They need a warm, calm and comforting body. Babies need the environment to be manageable before they can calm down.

Overtime you will become more skilled at calming and understanding your baby’s behaviours. But in the meantime, be kind to your baby and yourself. 

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

What if I don't have a 'gut instinct'?

Not everyone becomes a loving, intuitive parent the moment their baby is born. This is especially true if the pregnancy or delivery (or both!) were really difficult. If your body has struggled and you are suffering, emotionally or physically, it's completely understandable that you may not instantly bond with your baby. Give yourself time with your baby, so you get to know each other.

Others often think they are helping by taking the baby so you can rest. But it can be better if they help by doing the dishes and give you some quiet time alone with your baby - not time spent feeding, bathing or settling, but just being together.

Moments like this can be very powerful in switching on that connection between mother and child, which may have been lost somewhere in all the ‘pushing’ or post-delivery repair.

Parents should give themselves quiet time with their baby, even if it means having a ‘visit time’ or even asking friends and family to give you a few days to get to know each other before the influx of visitors.

When someone tells you to do something with your baby and you think ‘that can’t be right’, trust yourself because you know your baby best. Your gut instincts are definitely there.

However if you feel like you're not connecting with your baby, don’t be hard on yourself. Maybe think about chatting to someone who can help you work your way through it, so you remain kind to yourself as your feelings develop.

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.

I get so much advice I don’t know what to do. Help!

As parents, our instincts and decisions are repeatedly undermined, mostly by 'experts', other parents or others trying to be 'helpful'. But it's often not at all helpful.

What you need is support! So here's my tip - ask those who are giving unwelcome advice to help out instead, by providing meals, picking up groceries or putting out the washing. And ask them to support you, rather than telling you what you're doing wrong. New parents are more than capable of self-criticism - you don't need help with that!

Nobody knows your baby as well as you do. If unwanted ‘advice’ is undermining you as a parent, then try the ‘smile and nod’ approach - be gracious, say thanks and smile as if you mean it, then forget it all and don't let it bother you.

Every baby is different and every family is different, so don't worry about advice that isn't right for your family. Don't waste your precious energy arguing the point or stressing. 

It can be particularly hard for mums in the first few months. Here are some tips to help you through and stay sane.

Got more questions? Book an appointment to speak with one of our baby specialists.

Author: Helen Stevens. RN. RM. MCHN. Manager of Clinical Services, Education and Research. Parent Infant Consultants. 0411880720.